Hadiza El-Rufai on Polygamy: "It Wasn't My Choice, But Staying Was"

In a candid reflection on marriage and personal choice, Hadiza El-Rufai, wife of former Kaduna State Governor Nasir El-Rufai, has revealed that she never envisioned herself in a polygamous union.

Her comments were shared amid a renewed social media debate on polygamy, sparked by a lawyer’s public announcement of taking a second wife.

From Monogamous Expectations to a Polygamous Reality

In a detailed post on X, Hadiza explained that she was raised in a monogamous family, while her husband came from a polygamous background. When they married in 1985, she assumed they would have a monogamous relationship, though the topic was never explicitly discussed.

“I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but subsequently by choice,” she wrote. “The transformation of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s choice and not mine. Deciding to remain in the marriage was my choice.”

A Humorous Take on Commitment

She noted that under Islamic law, which governed their marriage, a woman can opt out by returning the dowry. Hadiza humorously added that by the time polygamy entered the picture, she had already “consumed” her dowry, making the decision to stay more practical.

“Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Because, frankly, by that time, I don chop my dowry clean mouth,” she quipped.

Finding Advantages in a Changed Reality

Rather than dwell on disappointment, Hadiza said she chose to “make lemonade” and focus on the potential benefits for a first wife in a polygamous setting. She listed having more time for her career, personal interests, and children, as well as shared responsibilities with in-laws.

However, she expressed skepticism about the advantages of polygamy for men, aside from “one thing”—a lighthearted nod to sexual partnership—which she acknowledged is significant.

A Perspective Forged from Experience

Hadiza concluded with a philosophy of personal choice and contentment: “To each his own. Let’s keep striving to be happy. We only have one life to live.”

Nasir El-Rufai has three other wives, married in 1999, 2010, and 2020. Hadiza’s reflective post offers a rare, first-person insight into the personal negotiations and resilience within a high-profile polygamous marriage, framed not by judgment but by candid acceptance and chosen commitment.