'I Didn't Know How to Love': Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo Reveals Wife Taught Him Emotional Connection After Growing Up in House Full of Men

Popular relationship coach shares candid lessons from early dating days, urges women to communicate expectations clearly rather than expecting men to 'just know'

Before Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo became one of Nigeria's most sought-after voices on relationships and marriage, he had a fundamental problem: he didn't know how to express love.

The founder of David Christian Centre, who has spent years counseling couples and teaching on emotional connection, recently opened up about his own romantic education—revealing that it was his wife who taught him what loving a woman actually means.

The Silent Suitor

In a candid interview, Okonkwo recalled his dating days with refreshing honesty. By his own admission, he was emotionally absent between meetings.

"When we were dating, if I saw her on a Monday, I wouldn't call her again until I was seeing her next," he confessed.

To him, the arrangement made perfect sense. They had seen each other. They would see each other again. What was there to discuss in between?

To his then-girlfriend, it was a recipe for emotional starvation.

Growing Up in a House of Men

Okonkwo traced his romantic cluelessness directly to his upbringing. He grew up in a household of five boys, with his mother—a soldier by profession—as the only woman.

"That shaped my behavior," he explained. "I didn't naturally understand emotional expressions because that wasn't what I grew up seeing."

The irony is not lost on observers: a man who now teaches thousands about relationships once needed a remedial course in basic connection.

The Lesson

"My wife had to teach me how to love her," Okonkwo said simply. It wasn't a failure on his part, he suggested, but a reality of human relationships—we can only give what we've learned.

The pastor used his own experience to offer advice to women navigating relationships with emotionally reserved partners. His message: don't assume he knows what you need.

"Men don't always understand emotional needs," Okonkwo said. He urged women to communicate their expectations clearly, and to do so with love rather than harshness.

The Tattoo That Sparked Debate

Okonkwo's relationship revelations come on the heels of another personal disclosure that set social media ablaze. To mark his 50th birthday, the cleric unveiled a tattoo on his arm bearing Roman numerals referencing John 3:16.

The move ignited widespread debate among Christians, with some questioning whether body modification aligns with biblical teachings. Okonkwo defended his decision, explaining that the tattoo was intended as a form of evangelism—a permanent conversation starter about faith.

But in his latest interview, the focus returned to matters of the heart. If a relationship coach can admit to learning love from his partner, Okonkwo suggested, perhaps every couple could benefit from a little more patience—and a lot more communication.

The Takeaway

For the thousands of Nigerians who follow his teachings, Okonkwo's honesty offers both comfort and challenge. Comfort, because it suggests that emotional disconnect doesn't have to be permanent. Challenge, because it places responsibility on both partners to teach, learn, and grow together.

"My wife taught me how to love her," he said. It's a simple statement. But for anyone who has ever struggled to understand or be understood in a relationship, it contains a world of wisdom.